I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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