Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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