I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
is that a dick in a sweater?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
