so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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