i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
