Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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