What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
