You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
