White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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