I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
