Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There r osticjed everywhere
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We had sex on a dog bed..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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