Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
