so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
