There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
