So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
