Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
