Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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