we have officially lost it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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