I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
