Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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