it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
