hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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