called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
