i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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