My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This girl is more easily done than said...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
