Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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