Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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