You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
