I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
