I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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