and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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