im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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