I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
