Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
