At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
