I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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