So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
