He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
