Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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