C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
