I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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