left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
