Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
