Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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