Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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