I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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