Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
