just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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