you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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