strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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