well most of my day revolves around power hour
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
